Let me just say that I wasn't kidding about having a midlife crisis.
This week has been particularly difficult for me. I have found myself distracted by a part of me who is not who I want to be. I have doubted myself like never before. And I have dwelt on a deep ache inside that I generally try to ignore. Which more or less means I've been miserable.
But even so it's amazing how God sends you vital little messages just when you need them the most. They may at first appear to be coincidental. But I know most certainly they are not accidental.
Wednesday I was particularly sad. But I managed to keep that hidden as I went about my daily routine. So it was quite a suprise when just before he left for school my 17 1/2 year old son uncharacteristically came over to give me a big hug. As he left, I knew who had sent him over to hug me. And it was just what I needed to get through that day.
Tonight I've been in search of something my son requested of me. I failed to find it and thus failed him. But in the search I came across a bunch of memorabilia from my childhood. And a special folder I keep regarding my father's death. Somehow in the midst of a big pile of papers a certain letter tumbled out. I knew the handwriting immediately, although I hadn't seen it for over 25 years. It was a letter from my father, written to me during my Freshman year at BYU. In it he listed several traits he admired about me and told me how proud he was of me. And what a good person I was. He ended with his standard sign-off: "Remember who you are."
Thanks, Dad. I needed that.
My struggles are not over. But at least I know I won't endure them alone.
God does know your name.
7 comments:
Oh, C-dub, I have also been wrestling midlife crisis, and also agonizing that this IS actually midlife for me.
I'm glad you're receiving some Divine Love Notes. They help so much. I had a horrible day yesterday and I also got a few messages prompted by Somebody Nice: my SIL gave me a spark plug gauge that says "Champion" on it, and it's now hanging from a crocheted chain around my neck; Tiara Gary brought me the sweetest, tiniest violet bouquet, so fragrant I wanted to eat it; and one of my oldest friends out of the blue emailed me an encouraging poem.
I'm glad you got to feel your dad's love for and pride in you again. That is very very dear.
Sorry you are having a struggle. Just when we think that we are old enough NOT to struggle. Your kind words have helped me through the last several hard months and I cannot tell you how much I have apprecitated your small notes and e mails. You are a good friend to many, but especially to me.
We are in town mid April, this time.. .. me, you, lunch. Are you up for it?
Thanks Geo. Things are better for me personally now, even though we're bearing up for one more loss--one more wave of grief--as a family.
Bek--I would love to get together. I'll keep my calendar clear for mid April!
1st time here--love your stuff. This post was so moving. God is good, isn't He?
greetings, so glad i happened to see your blog this week. i was moved by your writing here.
i don't believe in coincidences. i think, like elder david a. bednar talked of during the apr 2005 conference/may 2005 ensign, the seemingly little coincidences are often the "tender mercies of the Lord." i love that talk/article, what he said was so on target. it is soo good. highly recommend you re-read it if it has been a long time since you heard it/read it.
i love the concept that He is always looking out for us. He is always looking after us, caring for us, caring about little old me and you. He knows and cares about every little hair on our heads. He has not forgotten us. We are engraven on the palm of His hands (can't remember the scripture reference, so you just get a paraphrase here). i love the scriptures. the words so much of the time offer comfort and answers. i love that concept about pray to God and then read the scriptures to find out His answer to you. we are so blessed to have the scriptures to start off each of our days in the right frame of mind.
we are so blessed by God that He cares for us through the people He sends into our lives. do you remember that quote by president spencer w. kimball about "it is often through another person that God watches over us"? something like that. i thought of it when i read about your teen son giving you a surprise hug and a special friend out of the blue sending you a poem that just hit the spot.
thank you for sharing.
blessings to you this day, take care,
Hi linda and "so grateful" (yes, I'm reading backwards."
Thank you and welcome. I find the more we look for those tender mercies the more we find. I don't think we are being blessed with any more than were already there, I just think we are being more aware. And hopefully more grateful.
hello CW -- i agree with you. when we try to focus and pay attention, we tend to notice more tender mercies. i write "tm" in my scriptures (margins) anytime i notice a tender mercy.
reading this post and writing after to you inspired me to post to my blog fri, 06apr.
thanks.
blessings to you and yours this day :)
Post a Comment