I am grateful for being filled up at ward conference and for a stake president who is a man of God and who teaches by the Spirit.
I am grateful for a priesthood blessing for Shane that affirms to us that everything will be OK.
I am grateful for a priesthood blessing for me that blesses me with courage and strength and health and assures me of my Heavenly Father's love and concern for me and reassures me that if I ask and listen to the spirit he will guide me to know what to do and that I will be able to note and bear witness of the tender mercies in my life.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Food continues to pour in despite us having told everyone we didn't really need anything until after the surgery. I do, however, appreciate this so very much. It's amazing how much more energy is spent doing your day-to-day tasks when you have such an incredible worry hanging over your head, weighing down on your soul. By the end of the day I feel careworn and overwhelmed and it is a blessing to occasionally not have to worry about dinner. I've learned a valuable lesson about "just doing it" and not waiting to be asked or told.
Today I am grateful to see the sky. I do remember the days when inversion were so thick you couldn't see the mountains or the sky. This time around you could still see the mountains, but you could also taste the air and it was rancid. At this moment I am looking out over snow-covered roof-tops, through the naked branches and I can see soft white-grey clouds mingled with subtle blue sky. I think I can breathe again.
The other day we were dining with friends at Spicy Thai and I mentioned how I was going to bring my kids there so they could taste curry at a young age as I had never tasted it until I was 40. The next day my co-worker informed me that he and his wife had discussed my comment after dinner and wondered what I had meant by that. "When was that, last week?" they had asked.
Bless them.
Today I am grateful to see the sky. I do remember the days when inversion were so thick you couldn't see the mountains or the sky. This time around you could still see the mountains, but you could also taste the air and it was rancid. At this moment I am looking out over snow-covered roof-tops, through the naked branches and I can see soft white-grey clouds mingled with subtle blue sky. I think I can breathe again.
The other day we were dining with friends at Spicy Thai and I mentioned how I was going to bring my kids there so they could taste curry at a young age as I had never tasted it until I was 40. The next day my co-worker informed me that he and his wife had discussed my comment after dinner and wondered what I had meant by that. "When was that, last week?" they had asked.
Bless them.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I'm so appreciative right now of connections to people. We've been corresponding with the parents of Luke's companion, Elder Larson. Luke and Elder Larson get on so well and we feel so blessed he has such a wonderful, hardworking and loving companion. And we enjoy corresponding with his wonderful parents, too. They have been forwarding e-mails and pictures from some acquaintances of theirs who live on the Isle of Man, the Tricketts. The Tricketts are delightful and it's such a blessing knowing there is someone over their looking after our boys (they are very respectful of the mission rules and so are "looking after" them as they can within the rules).
I love Luke's letters so much, but I have this deep need to see his face and thus it was I about cried yesterday when we received an e-mail from the Larsons with pictures from the Tricketts. I've posted them on Luke's mission blog, but the above is one of my favorites. I love what being with Elder Larson has done for Luke and I am absolutely thrilled with the big smile on Luke's face.
If that's not enough, I just hooked up on Facebook with someone he's met on the Isle of Man so she is keeping me filled in on the news. I feel so much more a part of his life. I'm loving it!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tonight I am deeply thankful for my cousin Wendy and her husband Jonathan who took time out during the busy holidays to call us and encourage us to get a second opinion. Jonathan had sent us a recommendation to the Huntsman sarcoma team, but it was during the holidays and everyone else had told us we could consult with oncologists after the surgery.
Wendy called me--was it on New Year's Day?--and told me of some of the things they had learned the hard way about dealing with a rare form of cancer (Jonathan, a pediatrician, was only in his mid thirties when he was diagnosed with a rare bladder cancer). Because of her I called Huntsman the very next day, even though it was the Friday after a holiday and I was doubtful anyone would be there or that we could possibly get in to see anyone before Shane's scheduled surgery.
Jonathan called us during half-time of the U of U/Alabama game and asked good questions that made us even more determined to get more information before going ahead with the scheduled surgery.
Now, thanks to their recommendations, we've already taken action to rule out metastasization. We have a team of doctors/nurses and medical staff much more experienced in this type of cancer. The putting back together part will be a part of the surgery--which means Shane will recover and be able to put this past him much more quickly. And instead of a huge L-shaped scar across the left side of his face, Shane shouldn't have any visible scarring at all.
I will be forever grateful that they didn't hesitate or wait to share their experiences and knowledge with us. They changed the outcome of this for us--indeed our entire experience. And in such a significant way. I know they were heaven sent.
Wendy called me--was it on New Year's Day?--and told me of some of the things they had learned the hard way about dealing with a rare form of cancer (Jonathan, a pediatrician, was only in his mid thirties when he was diagnosed with a rare bladder cancer). Because of her I called Huntsman the very next day, even though it was the Friday after a holiday and I was doubtful anyone would be there or that we could possibly get in to see anyone before Shane's scheduled surgery.
Jonathan called us during half-time of the U of U/Alabama game and asked good questions that made us even more determined to get more information before going ahead with the scheduled surgery.
Now, thanks to their recommendations, we've already taken action to rule out metastasization. We have a team of doctors/nurses and medical staff much more experienced in this type of cancer. The putting back together part will be a part of the surgery--which means Shane will recover and be able to put this past him much more quickly. And instead of a huge L-shaped scar across the left side of his face, Shane shouldn't have any visible scarring at all.
I will be forever grateful that they didn't hesitate or wait to share their experiences and knowledge with us. They changed the outcome of this for us--indeed our entire experience. And in such a significant way. I know they were heaven sent.
So a couple of my friends wanted to do this 100 things (which has now evolved into 101 things--I like to round up) thing. We decided to start a group blog. It's called Gratitude 101.
You can find the rest of my lists (as well as those of a few of my friends) there. If you want to be an author on that blog and list 101 things for which you are grateful, leave a comment over there w/ your e-mail address. We'll send you an invite to be an author too.
You can find the rest of my lists (as well as those of a few of my friends) there. If you want to be an author on that blog and list 101 things for which you are grateful, leave a comment over there w/ your e-mail address. We'll send you an invite to be an author too.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
100 things
Our stake president recently challenged the members of the high council to list 100 things they were thankful for each day for 10 days. Some of them (and the wife of one) have talked about what an extraordinary experience it has been for them. I know my life is better when I try to list at least three (I mostly ramble on more than that, I know). I want to see what 100 feels like. I'm sure it won't happen every day. But I'm going to give it a try.
1. nightfall
2. shadows of bare tree branches
3. generous and genuine hugs and snuggles from K~
4. how L~ asked me to cut her hair last night (huge show of trust) and really liked it
5. how even though I haven't cut hair for a decade I managed to do a decent job and I liked it, too
6, 7, 8. L~'s passion, energy and openness
9. the hope implied an inherent in each new day
10. Sandy Olsen's loving phone call last night when she heard about Shane
11. The promise of prayers--more now from the Olsen's and from Sandy's mother who, apparently has faith to make things happen (those are the kind of people you want on your side when tragedy strikes for sure!)
12. kids who make a greater effort (on most days) to do better: go to bed early (L~), get up and be to early morning seminary on time (Z~)
13. how K~ wanted to teach FHE last night and did so
14. that for once I was smart enough to help him w/ the funky way they do math these days
15. seeing the return of one of my work friends after his recovery from a vicious attack
16. having a work environment that feels like family
17. words
18. having my brother who doesn't call much, call me Sunday
19. knowing how much he meant it when he said he wishes he were here to give me a big hug
20. the prayers of the children
21. modern medicine
22. living in a place where a miracle like the Huntsman Institute can be created, exist and thrive
23. warmth of central heating
24. knocking several bills off my to-pay list
25. having simple hope that things will work out (the bills)
26. having simple hope that we will be able to manage (the bills)
27. the very real blessings that come from having a missionary out serving the Lord
28. fine, I'll list some: the good spirit that prevails (most of the time--more than before) in your home
29. the feeling of peace you have
30. the fact that you don't worry--you really don't--because you know God and angels--both of earth and of heaven--attend him
31. the blessing that come from praying so much more for the missionaries
32. learning that you've been bearing witness, testimony, to his companions mother this whole time believe she too was a member when in fact she is not
33. feeling good about the way you've been bearing witness and testimony because your son has been challenging you to have missionary experiences and you realize that in some small way here you have
34. bearing witness and testimony in general--it feels good to be a witness for the good and truth you see in your life
35. the beauty of the earth, specifically:
36. the sound of rain
37. the feel of rain
38. the scent of rain
39. the thought of rain filling up reservoirs and quenching thirst, both literally and
40. I don't know the word, somehow spiritually and emotionally, too
41. knowing how the rain will make the flowers grow
42. hearing the haunting melody of the that song (Eponine's song--Les Mis) as I wrote those words "the rain will make the flowers grow"
43. falling snow
44. the way the snow blankets the earth
45. the promise of the water within the snow
46. the way the snow muffles sound and brings peace and quiet to your world, your life
47. watching kids play in the snow
48. snow angels
49. the feeling I had looking at all the pictures people have posted on Facebook of their families playing in the snow
50. especially b.'s family having fun together sledding on mattress
51. the morning
52. watching the day break
53. seeing the lights turn on slowly, one by one, in the houses dotting my street
54. imagining the warming houses as the heat turns on and the hustle and bustle as families wake and prepare for their day
55. the gift of another day
56. watching shadows fall away
57. appreciating the beauty of those shadows
58. but also embracing the light
59. the fact that there are different shades, tones, colors and nuances in the light
60. being able to pray sincerely for people who wound me
61. being able to hope I can love and serve them better even though they bring pain into my life
62. I guess just the hope that I can be a better person
63. and try/learn to not be as selfish
64. and instead be more generous
65. and that hurt will heal
66. and I can overcome
67. and maybe rise above
68. and hopefully bless the people who hurt me
69. hoping I can do that in a sincere and meaningful way
70. quiet
71. thinking
72. feeling
73. being aware
74. and in some ways oblivious
75. being an "in the moment" kind of gal
76. at least mostly anyway
77. trust
78. I trust God
79. realizing that isn't something that comes easily to people, but knowing I do
80. and appreciating the way it lessens my fear
81. and my worries
82. the fact that though I am a bit crazy, I am less so because of some combination of #75 and #77 above
83. being OK w/ my own level of craziness (at least on most days)
84. that darn cat
85. and loving how it has worked its way into our hearts (even though we are allergic)
86. that so far it hasn't eaten our bird (although yesterday it tried)
87. leftovers
88. hand-me-downs that more often than coincidence would allow end up being the right thing at the right time
89. my husband (this is the introduction--I want to do a full one hundred on each of my family members
90. being reminded of the difference he makes in the lives of others (OK, more later)
91. Tuesday
92. and how I know it leads into Wednesday--which is the day of missionary mail
93. and how waiting on Tuesday
94. and receiving on Wednesday gets me halfway through the week
95. the way the moon sometimes shines through the branches of the tree outside my west bedroom window and draws beautiful and mysterious shadows on my bed
96. and the walls of my room
97. and my awareness of the beauty in that
98. having a flex spend account
99. knowing we upped the withholding for it this year
100. knowing I can do what it takes to appeal denied insurance claims when I need to
101. being an extra-mile kind of girl when it comes to counting blessings
Our stake president recently challenged the members of the high council to list 100 things they were thankful for each day for 10 days. Some of them (and the wife of one) have talked about what an extraordinary experience it has been for them. I know my life is better when I try to list at least three (I mostly ramble on more than that, I know). I want to see what 100 feels like. I'm sure it won't happen every day. But I'm going to give it a try.
1. nightfall
2. shadows of bare tree branches
3. generous and genuine hugs and snuggles from K~
4. how L~ asked me to cut her hair last night (huge show of trust) and really liked it
5. how even though I haven't cut hair for a decade I managed to do a decent job and I liked it, too
6, 7, 8. L~'s passion, energy and openness
9. the hope implied an inherent in each new day
10. Sandy Olsen's loving phone call last night when she heard about Shane
11. The promise of prayers--more now from the Olsen's and from Sandy's mother who, apparently has faith to make things happen (those are the kind of people you want on your side when tragedy strikes for sure!)
12. kids who make a greater effort (on most days) to do better: go to bed early (L~), get up and be to early morning seminary on time (Z~)
13. how K~ wanted to teach FHE last night and did so
14. that for once I was smart enough to help him w/ the funky way they do math these days
15. seeing the return of one of my work friends after his recovery from a vicious attack
16. having a work environment that feels like family
17. words
18. having my brother who doesn't call much, call me Sunday
19. knowing how much he meant it when he said he wishes he were here to give me a big hug
20. the prayers of the children
21. modern medicine
22. living in a place where a miracle like the Huntsman Institute can be created, exist and thrive
23. warmth of central heating
24. knocking several bills off my to-pay list
25. having simple hope that things will work out (the bills)
26. having simple hope that we will be able to manage (the bills)
27. the very real blessings that come from having a missionary out serving the Lord
28. fine, I'll list some: the good spirit that prevails (most of the time--more than before) in your home
29. the feeling of peace you have
30. the fact that you don't worry--you really don't--because you know God and angels--both of earth and of heaven--attend him
31. the blessing that come from praying so much more for the missionaries
32. learning that you've been bearing witness, testimony, to his companions mother this whole time believe she too was a member when in fact she is not
33. feeling good about the way you've been bearing witness and testimony because your son has been challenging you to have missionary experiences and you realize that in some small way here you have
34. bearing witness and testimony in general--it feels good to be a witness for the good and truth you see in your life
35. the beauty of the earth, specifically:
36. the sound of rain
37. the feel of rain
38. the scent of rain
39. the thought of rain filling up reservoirs and quenching thirst, both literally and
40. I don't know the word, somehow spiritually and emotionally, too
41. knowing how the rain will make the flowers grow
42. hearing the haunting melody of the that song (Eponine's song--Les Mis) as I wrote those words "the rain will make the flowers grow"
43. falling snow
44. the way the snow blankets the earth
45. the promise of the water within the snow
46. the way the snow muffles sound and brings peace and quiet to your world, your life
47. watching kids play in the snow
48. snow angels
49. the feeling I had looking at all the pictures people have posted on Facebook of their families playing in the snow
50. especially b.'s family having fun together sledding on mattress
51. the morning
52. watching the day break
53. seeing the lights turn on slowly, one by one, in the houses dotting my street
54. imagining the warming houses as the heat turns on and the hustle and bustle as families wake and prepare for their day
55. the gift of another day
56. watching shadows fall away
57. appreciating the beauty of those shadows
58. but also embracing the light
59. the fact that there are different shades, tones, colors and nuances in the light
60. being able to pray sincerely for people who wound me
61. being able to hope I can love and serve them better even though they bring pain into my life
62. I guess just the hope that I can be a better person
63. and try/learn to not be as selfish
64. and instead be more generous
65. and that hurt will heal
66. and I can overcome
67. and maybe rise above
68. and hopefully bless the people who hurt me
69. hoping I can do that in a sincere and meaningful way
70. quiet
71. thinking
72. feeling
73. being aware
74. and in some ways oblivious
75. being an "in the moment" kind of gal
76. at least mostly anyway
77. trust
78. I trust God
79. realizing that isn't something that comes easily to people, but knowing I do
80. and appreciating the way it lessens my fear
81. and my worries
82. the fact that though I am a bit crazy, I am less so because of some combination of #75 and #77 above
83. being OK w/ my own level of craziness (at least on most days)
84. that darn cat
85. and loving how it has worked its way into our hearts (even though we are allergic)
86. that so far it hasn't eaten our bird (although yesterday it tried)
87. leftovers
88. hand-me-downs that more often than coincidence would allow end up being the right thing at the right time
89. my husband (this is the introduction--I want to do a full one hundred on each of my family members
90. being reminded of the difference he makes in the lives of others (OK, more later)
91. Tuesday
92. and how I know it leads into Wednesday--which is the day of missionary mail
93. and how waiting on Tuesday
94. and receiving on Wednesday gets me halfway through the week
95. the way the moon sometimes shines through the branches of the tree outside my west bedroom window and draws beautiful and mysterious shadows on my bed
96. and the walls of my room
97. and my awareness of the beauty in that
98. having a flex spend account
99. knowing we upped the withholding for it this year
100. knowing I can do what it takes to appeal denied insurance claims when I need to
101. being an extra-mile kind of girl when it comes to counting blessings
Monday, January 12, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
It's not just about the full-fledged dinners from caterers, but I am especially touched by the eclectic food offerings of a young family, the sweet widow, and my friend who is still suffering the ill effects of treatment during her brutal battle with cancer several years ago. We told everyone they didn't need to worry about bringing in meals until Shane actually has surgery--especially as there will likely be weeks and months of surgeries and treatments and now we will be away from home for it all. But people just want to be able to do something and so they come with bags of food and hearts and arms full of love. It does help and I am grateful.
Currently I'm also loving the warmth of the sun shining across the snow and in through the living room window.
Oh and an afternoon nap whilst the afternoon sun is shining on me sounds even better (staying up with and for teenagers sure puts a dent in one's sleep bucket, especially if you're an early riser like me).
And oh the sunsets. Incredible. I do believe they get more stunning every evening.
Currently I'm also loving the warmth of the sun shining across the snow and in through the living room window.
Oh and an afternoon nap whilst the afternoon sun is shining on me sounds even better (staying up with and for teenagers sure puts a dent in one's sleep bucket, especially if you're an early riser like me).
And oh the sunsets. Incredible. I do believe they get more stunning every evening.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
generous quantities of snow
gift cards from our home teacher and his wife (who happens to also be my friend and visiting teachee) to my family's favorite pizza joint. There were three, in fact, so I could keep one with me, my husband could have one and there could be one at the house. So any time we are crazy with doctors or whatever we can phone in and have pizza delivered to our door--even when we're not home. Oh the genius of it!
having a night home, even though I was much too tired to get much done, it just felt good to be home. I don't want to be anywhere else these days
generous quantities of love and prayers
gift cards from our home teacher and his wife (who happens to also be my friend and visiting teachee) to my family's favorite pizza joint. There were three, in fact, so I could keep one with me, my husband could have one and there could be one at the house. So any time we are crazy with doctors or whatever we can phone in and have pizza delivered to our door--even when we're not home. Oh the genius of it!
having a night home, even though I was much too tired to get much done, it just felt good to be home. I don't want to be anywhere else these days
generous quantities of love and prayers
Monday, January 05, 2009
Yesterday morning I was sick with worry. Not only over Shane, but over one of my children. One who is struggling. I realized I was probably going to have to have a talk with said child and I was worried over what to say (because if I had said everything that was in my heart and head it probably would have been more than a little overwhelming and, frankly, just way too much information).
As Fast and Testimony meeting began the prayer in my heart was that said child would feel the spirit and be touched by something--anything--that was said.
A certain person I love and admire (but who is also so way cool enough for said child to love and admire) got up and gave the best "Step Up!" message I have ever heard.
Ever.
All I could say was thank you (both the the speaker and to the heavens in which my prayer was heard) and Amen.
As Fast and Testimony meeting began the prayer in my heart was that said child would feel the spirit and be touched by something--anything--that was said.
A certain person I love and admire (but who is also so way cool enough for said child to love and admire) got up and gave the best "Step Up!" message I have ever heard.
Ever.
All I could say was thank you (both the the speaker and to the heavens in which my prayer was heard) and Amen.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
I've been remiss. But a friend and cancer survivor urged me to keep track of all of our blessings (I guess I need a notebook...two maybe...one for medical bills and one for blessings. I can only hope the blessing one gets filled up faster than the medical bill one.) In any case, I need to catch up.
Before we heard the news there were two things that happened that week I wanted to remember:
One, my good friend Donnette invited me in for hot chocolate and a chat one evening. We had a good visit and discussed many things, but what stuck with me was something she'd said about her gospel doctrine lesson the previous Sunday (which I'd missed). She talked about prayer and asking for the desires of one's heart. She mentioned the difference between sort of reluctantly resigning oneself to the will of God (waiting for the other shoe to drop) and asking for the desires of your heart. She said it's OK to ask for the desires of your heart. That thought kept running through my head amidst the bleak dark thoughts that came after learning of Shane's diagnosis.
Two, my good friend Lynda and I were meeting with other friends (sort of an extended visiting teaching visit where the sister we teach were there as well as some of the sister they teach and we got it all done in a very fun way) for lunch. Lynda was the first one there and as I approached her she mentioned the burst of happiness, positivity and love she felt emanate from me as I came in and sat down by her. I appreciated so much her words and felt so encouraged by them. In moments since I've thought about how no matter what happens I want to hang on to that--I want to be that person and put out that kind of positive energy even when times are difficult and painful. I'm not sure exactly how to go about it, but I hope being mindful of it will assist me.
I wrote about this more on my other blog, but we do feel blessed by the encouragement, empowerment and advice of family and friends and physicians who are helping us seek the best care for Shane. That sort of puts this week's plans up in the air a bit, but we feel we are on the right track and doing the right thing a little bit later is better than doing the wrong thing or doing the right thing only halfway. While I seek and pray for all the information we need, I also find myself fearing what's more...what's next. Right now I'm praying for courage to be able to accept the next step--whatever it may be.
Lovely notes, comments, e-mails, hugs, prayers, well wishes. They all mean the world to us. We do feel carried by the love, faith and hope of those around us.
And finally, it's such a blessing to have good friends in the right places, even in temporal ways. Maybe in times like this when resources and energy feel used up beyond what I sometimes feel I can deal with, especially in temporal ways. I'm not feeling my best this evening and the thought of making plans for a post-fast Sunday dinner tomorrow (and the next night when we will be in SLC @ Huntsman till the dinner hour) overwhelmed me. As I found myself fighting to stay awake well before 9 p.m. we heard a car pull up and a knock on the door. Our friends who are both friends and employees of our caterer friends showed up with two huge trays of leftovers. (I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am a huge fan of hand-me-downs and of catering leftovers.) Enough for Sunday and Monday dinner.
I hate (well, only partly) to steal this from our dear TAMN, but we are seriously so blessed.
Before we heard the news there were two things that happened that week I wanted to remember:
One, my good friend Donnette invited me in for hot chocolate and a chat one evening. We had a good visit and discussed many things, but what stuck with me was something she'd said about her gospel doctrine lesson the previous Sunday (which I'd missed). She talked about prayer and asking for the desires of one's heart. She mentioned the difference between sort of reluctantly resigning oneself to the will of God (waiting for the other shoe to drop) and asking for the desires of your heart. She said it's OK to ask for the desires of your heart. That thought kept running through my head amidst the bleak dark thoughts that came after learning of Shane's diagnosis.
Two, my good friend Lynda and I were meeting with other friends (sort of an extended visiting teaching visit where the sister we teach were there as well as some of the sister they teach and we got it all done in a very fun way) for lunch. Lynda was the first one there and as I approached her she mentioned the burst of happiness, positivity and love she felt emanate from me as I came in and sat down by her. I appreciated so much her words and felt so encouraged by them. In moments since I've thought about how no matter what happens I want to hang on to that--I want to be that person and put out that kind of positive energy even when times are difficult and painful. I'm not sure exactly how to go about it, but I hope being mindful of it will assist me.
I wrote about this more on my other blog, but we do feel blessed by the encouragement, empowerment and advice of family and friends and physicians who are helping us seek the best care for Shane. That sort of puts this week's plans up in the air a bit, but we feel we are on the right track and doing the right thing a little bit later is better than doing the wrong thing or doing the right thing only halfway. While I seek and pray for all the information we need, I also find myself fearing what's more...what's next. Right now I'm praying for courage to be able to accept the next step--whatever it may be.
Lovely notes, comments, e-mails, hugs, prayers, well wishes. They all mean the world to us. We do feel carried by the love, faith and hope of those around us.
And finally, it's such a blessing to have good friends in the right places, even in temporal ways. Maybe in times like this when resources and energy feel used up beyond what I sometimes feel I can deal with, especially in temporal ways. I'm not feeling my best this evening and the thought of making plans for a post-fast Sunday dinner tomorrow (and the next night when we will be in SLC @ Huntsman till the dinner hour) overwhelmed me. As I found myself fighting to stay awake well before 9 p.m. we heard a car pull up and a knock on the door. Our friends who are both friends and employees of our caterer friends showed up with two huge trays of leftovers. (I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am a huge fan of hand-me-downs and of catering leftovers.) Enough for Sunday and Monday dinner.
I hate (well, only partly) to steal this from our dear TAMN, but we are seriously so blessed.
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