I had no idea, some 11 years ago when right after Luke was baptised the current cub scout chair person came up to me and told me Luke would be starting cub scouts, how cool this night would be. Was it a lot of work to get here? Yeah. Especially as I spent some five years as a den leader with my two oldest sons and put in extra hours to help Luke meet requirements for Webelos and 11-year-old scouts when other people dropped the ball. (And trying to get your kid through five required merit badges during the merit badge pow wow at BYU while your husband is getting his master's degree? Wasn't easy.)

But it was worth it. I am so proud of Luke. Everything said about him tonight was so true. He has a good and honest heart. He wants to do the right thing. He is outstanding in his duty to God. I appreciate his example and his goodness. I wish I could show you all the slide show his father made for him in tribute. It was beautiful!

What struck me the most as I looked out over the room of family and friends--both his and mine--and a whole bunch of scout leaders who helped along the way, is that it really does take a village. And my family and I are certainly blessed with one of the finest villages ever.

I can do this.

I have this really bad habit of feeling the weight of everything I need to do over a span of time and letting it pile up on me until I feel so overwhelmed I'm afraid I'm going to snap. I'm not just talking about the usual--family, dishes, laundry, house, three meals a day, etc. I'm talking about helping plan a tour for 130 people that has become so much more complicated than it needs to be, managing the family finances and doing this year's taxes, preparing for an Eagle Court of Honor for my son tomorrow night, planning ahead for my husband's birthday on Tuesday, and trying to attend way too many events--showers, birthday parties, etc. than I can realistically get to in one day. I usually manage OK when I feel well, but I have a sinus infection and I don't feel well at all. But the show must go on.

Here is where I am making progress:

Last night I e-mailed a few friends and called my SIL and asked them all to bring some cookies or bars for refreshements to the Court of Honor. This instead of baking all night tonight and tomorrow morning. It was hard for me to ask. I did not make them feel obligated in any way. I was so relieved and felt so loved when they said yes.

I am not going to two of the baby showers I was supposed to attend. I just can't do it. I am, however, sending gifts.

I asked my husband to pick up the groceries so I can make the food I need to for the birthday party.

I'm cheating by having my husband run out to the scout office to pick up this adhesive stuff for attaching the merit badges to the bandalo--no sewing!

Here is where I have room to improve:

Despite my propensity to make my lists backwards (after I do them), I'm going to make a list--maybe I'll even do it here--and set deadlines for myself so I can break the burden up into chunks I can handle. I will have a goal to have my load lightened by next Wednesday, which is one week from the day I leave for Seattle. I hope that will allow me to enjoy conference weekend and spend the time I need to getting myself and my family ready for me to be gone.

If and when certain things beyond my control fall apart, I will not accept or carry guilt for them, particularly when I tried multiple times to be a voice of reason and call for working smarter, not harder.

I will do at least one thing every day that will help me feel peace and contentment.


the list:

*get well
*do the dishes
*clean the living room
*fold the laundry
*clean the dining room
*recurring themes on my to-do list (which, by the way, may be added to at will)

Today
send a gift to baby shower #1
send husband for groceries
send husband for sticky stuff for merit badges
invite grandma R to the court of honor
make baked beans for the birthday party
attend the birthday party with entire family
clean the master bathroom
clean the kids' bathroom
clean my room--again
mop the kitchen floor
send a gift to baby shower #2
arrange for refreshments for Court of Honor
bake refreshments for Court of Honor
have son find the bandalo
pay bills online
apply for 0% interest balance transfer
take son who has practically no clothes clothes shopping w/o getting sucked into buying clothes for other kids

Sunday
get family to church
retake our back bench that has been confiscated by other families in recent weeks because we have been late to church (I failed)
apply merit badges
feed family (ask me how happy I am that the last time I made chicken pot pie I made an extra--which meant four because I was taking two in to friends: one post surgery and one with a new baby--and froze it for a rainy snowy day?)
set up for the court of honor, make the refreshment table pretty
enjoy Luke's Court of Honor
write an April Fool's Day post for Segullah

Monday
work
maybe go to the temple so I don't ruin my goal of monthly attendance (one of those days in which the answer was to take care of the living first, which I did
get reimbursed for some $500 for choir and school stuff I put on my credit card (checks are in the mail)
take library books back and see if I can plead for mercy (read reduction) of outrageous library fine
deal with inactive account status and fees from a certain annoying bank
make simple plans for husand's birthday
shop for husband's birthday
attend final tour meeting
get a final head count for tour (I learn that this is something that may not happen until we are loading the buses)

Tuedsay (yeah right, what was I thinking?)
work
order and pay for food for tour's Sunday lunch at Subway in La Grande, OR
order and pay for food for tour's Sunday dinner from Little Casaers (yuck) in Boise, ID
complete any last minutes assignments for tour
teach youngest son how to catch and throw before "the draft" which will happen while I'm gone
practice with youngest son
celebrate husband's birthday
attend ward temple night (I got there by the skin of my teeth--but was so glad I did--great to see you am'n2deep!)
probably go get rice pudding after for a birthday treat (I still haven't made his cake yet. Maybe I should do that right now.)

Wednesday
complete anything left on "the list"--HUGE!
look forward to reading Crossing to Safety
scrounge up money for a pedicure? consider how nice it will be to take up am'n2deep on her offer for a massage instead. Yeah!
pay the Chase bill
deal with auto insurance that dropped the ball on my sons' good student discounts
decide I really need to extend my deadline for these till Friday

Hopeful rays of light streaming across the peaks of Y mountain yesterday morning.

A game of peek-a-boo between the moon and clouds before dawn today.

"And it's going to be a day
There is really no way to say no
To the morning."
--Dan Fogelberg

steamed asparagus

quail (in the back yard, not for dinner)

bold and beautiful choir music for Easter

62 sweet degrees

a nap

pink and blue sunset

strawberry shortcake (made from scratch--the kids call it strawberry shortbiscuits)

spring--and with it hope, renewal, Easter, and did I mention hope?

friendship

order (or some semblance thereof)

0% interest

simplifying

weekends

flowers--even week-old funeral funeral flowers. currently I have week-old mums from Tonya on the table at the top of the stairs, two arrangements of recycled flowers from Mel's mother's service that Lynda arranged so beautifully for Julie's shower and left for me to enjoy and a vase of fresh and brightly colored mums Shane brought home tonight after a trip to the grocery store.

Oh Happy Day!

Launching peeps across the room for my oldest son's physics project. (Can you guess which ones have the greater velocity--the chicks or the bunnies?) I love helping with high school homework. I really do.

Having my "baby" tell me he doesn't want to grow up because he doesn't want to get too big to cuddle.

Finishing a quilt I started before that "baby" was even born. It felt good to finish something again. It will even feel better when I get to hang it--freshly bound, washed and dried, over my front door.

I resolve to cuddle and hug more--even the big kids who shrug it aside. I resolve to finish more quilts. I resolve to make at least one batch of homemade soap before the year is out. (I know. That last one seems like it came out of nowhere. But it's about being a finisher and spending time doing something I love.)

My new paint may be peeling off the walls, but oh baby I love the red...

One of the great things about blogging at Segullah is I sometimes get a heads up on publishing opportunities. One came my way recently and I figured I may as well get brave and just go for it. So I fired off an essay about the lessons we learn from our mothers.

Today I got brave and followed up on it because I hadn't heard anything back about it.

And guess what? They loved it. And they chose it for a book coming out next month.

I'm kind of excited.

archives, drafts, smooth jazz, 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, blue sky, warm sun, quiet, the snow on Timp (yep--still loving it), being 15 minute late for work because I want to and because I can, solitude

You may have noticed the apparent demise of compulsive writer. Oh I know, the layover link says "compulsive writer has been suspended" (suspended? I haven't been anything close to suspended since jr. high), but I can't help but wonder. What happened? I don't know. Where is my blog? I don't know. Will I get reinstated? Will I ever see my archives again? Oh please yes. But I really don't know. In the meantime, I have no place to call home except this. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Please. It would be a crying shame to lose almost an entire year's worth of journaling. Not to mention the drafts for both compulsive writer and Segullah. I'm trying not to think about it, but sending some positive energy my way certainly won't hurt. I thank you.

Regards,

CW

My oldest started working on his mission papers today. He plans to submit them on May 4. I'll keep you posted. In fact. I think I may have to start another blog. Because I know the only thing more fun than sitting through someone else's mission slides is hearing about someone else's child's mission.