being able to be content just for the fact of making it to the gym, even though my workout was not stellar today (i'm a little under the weather). it happened. and that was enough.
having a friend who is steady and interesting and supportive who i know will meet me at the gym, even on those days i'd rather stay home in my jammies.
braking for quail on the way home this morning. i love quail. they make me happy.
loving the fresh blanket of snow and the calming quieting hush it brings to the world.
seeing a glimpse of brilliant blue set against all the white.
it's going to be a good day. such blessings make me anticipate more good and simple things blessing my days in the coming year.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
--i loved that the utes' mascot (a bird not an indian. don't ask why.) walked over to a little boy dressed in a cougar hat and then took him in his arms as the boy's father passed him over the wall and held him while the father snapped a photo.
--i loved that even though there was this really exciting play going on a cougar fan stopped in his tracks as he was walking down the steps and picked up the glove another fan had just dropped and turned away from the game and walked into the portal after the person who had lost their glove.
--i loved that my friend's seven-year-old daughter spontaneously and completely on her own fasted on Thanksgiving day for her aunt and uncle to be able to have or adopt a baby.
--i loved that when i said to the older widow in my neighborhood that i was thinking of her and i knew the holidays must be difficult for her as all of her children live so very far away, instead of being sad or bitter she told me how blessed she was to have the means and the courage to purchase a plane ticket and fly by herself to be with any given son or daughter.
--i loved that even though there was this really exciting play going on a cougar fan stopped in his tracks as he was walking down the steps and picked up the glove another fan had just dropped and turned away from the game and walked into the portal after the person who had lost their glove.
--i loved that my friend's seven-year-old daughter spontaneously and completely on her own fasted on Thanksgiving day for her aunt and uncle to be able to have or adopt a baby.
--i loved that when i said to the older widow in my neighborhood that i was thinking of her and i knew the holidays must be difficult for her as all of her children live so very far away, instead of being sad or bitter she told me how blessed she was to have the means and the courage to purchase a plane ticket and fly by herself to be with any given son or daughter.
Monday, October 26, 2009
bite in the air
warm leather gloves
yesterday's brilliantly piercing sunset cast flames all across the valley
rustling through the leaves everywhere i go
watching our black kitten-now-cat mowgli stare up at the tree and pounce on any falling leaf he can anticipate
getting to the gym, starting a load of dishes and two loads of laundry and still managing a bit of me time before work this morning
the deep shade of blue of the morning sky playing backdrop to all sorts of sunkissed shades of green, yellow and red this morning
being able to head off to a job i actually enjoy and to work with people i enjoy being with
warm leather gloves
yesterday's brilliantly piercing sunset cast flames all across the valley
rustling through the leaves everywhere i go
watching our black kitten-now-cat mowgli stare up at the tree and pounce on any falling leaf he can anticipate
getting to the gym, starting a load of dishes and two loads of laundry and still managing a bit of me time before work this morning
the deep shade of blue of the morning sky playing backdrop to all sorts of sunkissed shades of green, yellow and red this morning
being able to head off to a job i actually enjoy and to work with people i enjoy being with
Monday, October 19, 2009
how is it possible to savor the warmth of the sun on my face so intensely and still be insanely excited for the promise of rain?
other good things of the day:
having a good workout this morning even though i was by myself
walking out of the gym to the smell of a brief and sudden rain on the pavement. it had passed and provo was dry, but it's coming. i can feel it
an account manager who called me today not because he needed something, but just because he wanted to tell me how much he appreciates my work
getting a free--and most luxurious--pedicure to help out my friend who is going to cosmetology school
sitting on my back deck and enjoying the weather and a visit from a friend while watching k~ and the girl next door swinging from the hammock and the chickens dig up bugs in the garden
listening to the leaves blow down on the roof so hard it sounded like rain
other good things of the day:
having a good workout this morning even though i was by myself
walking out of the gym to the smell of a brief and sudden rain on the pavement. it had passed and provo was dry, but it's coming. i can feel it
an account manager who called me today not because he needed something, but just because he wanted to tell me how much he appreciates my work
getting a free--and most luxurious--pedicure to help out my friend who is going to cosmetology school
sitting on my back deck and enjoying the weather and a visit from a friend while watching k~ and the girl next door swinging from the hammock and the chickens dig up bugs in the garden
listening to the leaves blow down on the roof so hard it sounded like rain
Sunday, October 18, 2009
it's been awhile. i left the fact that life isn't so simple get in my way.
enough of that.
lazy sunday.
not in that i didn't do a thing. i did. but having to be home with a sick child meant i spent the day in my pajamas. and did whatever i wanted to do whenever i wanted to do it.
a clean kitchen and a clean bedroom (clean is relative, you know).
the way thekittens cats are not as disinterested as their reputations would indicate. perhaps because i am not a cat person and, aside from being amused by their antics, am more or less disinterested in them, they try so obviously to attract my attention. if i walk past they stop whatever it is they are doing and roll over on their backs and try to play cute so i will scratch their stomachs. clever cats. but none too subtle.
apple/cherry fruit crisp--brown sugar, old-fashioned oats, pie cherries (not from a can), fresh apples. mmm. such a sweet taste of the harvest season.
windows open--sounds of children playing, families gathered, panic as the neighbor's hunting dog gets through the whole in the fence and goes after the cats--oblivious to the chickens who were out. they rushed to the rescue. no harm done. while relieved that blood was not shed, i feel no ill-will toward the bird dog--it's his nature. we need to fix that fence.
the calm of the sabbath-day music
a visit from melody and steve. melody bearing a gift. the perfect gift. melody knows me. the most perfect new jammies. for no reason but because she loves me.
fresh eggs--a dozen to a neighbor down on her luck. lucky seven laid fresh this morning for melody and steve. it's nice to have something to give.
70s. the warmth of the sun. the evenness in the breeze. the perfect shade of blue in the sky. the crisp vibrant colors of the leaves. i love this time of year.
enough of that.
lazy sunday.
not in that i didn't do a thing. i did. but having to be home with a sick child meant i spent the day in my pajamas. and did whatever i wanted to do whenever i wanted to do it.
a clean kitchen and a clean bedroom (clean is relative, you know).
the way the
apple/cherry fruit crisp--brown sugar, old-fashioned oats, pie cherries (not from a can), fresh apples. mmm. such a sweet taste of the harvest season.
windows open--sounds of children playing, families gathered, panic as the neighbor's hunting dog gets through the whole in the fence and goes after the cats--oblivious to the chickens who were out. they rushed to the rescue. no harm done. while relieved that blood was not shed, i feel no ill-will toward the bird dog--it's his nature. we need to fix that fence.
the calm of the sabbath-day music
a visit from melody and steve. melody bearing a gift. the perfect gift. melody knows me. the most perfect new jammies. for no reason but because she loves me.
fresh eggs--a dozen to a neighbor down on her luck. lucky seven laid fresh this morning for melody and steve. it's nice to have something to give.
70s. the warmth of the sun. the evenness in the breeze. the perfect shade of blue in the sky. the crisp vibrant colors of the leaves. i love this time of year.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Multnomah Falls
Cannon Beach
Saturday's Market
a rose garden
a castle (of sorts)
Structure (my little bro)
dessert
before dinner
Cannon Beach
Saturday's Market
a rose garden
a castle (of sorts)
Structure (my little bro)
dessert
before dinner
Friday, May 29, 2009
Par Avion
Well over 20 years ago I found myself serving a mission in Belgium and France. Scrawling the words Par Avion on my letters home.
Now I find myself writing that on my almost-weekly missives to my oldest child. Who finds himself serving a mission just across the pond in the U.K.
I am thankful for a SIL who reminded me--long before my own child left--that despite the wonders of instant and regular e-mail to and fro, missionaries still need something tangible. Something to feel in their hands, hold to their hearts, and tear open with anticipation.
And I remember.
There is the weight and value beyond any treasure in the feel of an envelope addressed by hand specifically to you and carrying with it all the love, support and memories of home and family long ago and far away.
Although I could just drop my letters to Luke in the mailbox posted just past the sidewalk out my front door, I don't.
I get in the car and drive them across town to the East Bay Post Office. And while I drive I pour all the love, thought, energy and prayers I can into the simple, unkempt handwriting scrawled across the pages of my letters to him.
Most of the news is either old or redundant by the time it reaches him. But I also occasionally toss in some memento of our lives here--the program from the Mr. PHS contest--with a play-by-play of the hysterically funny talent portion. A program from L~'s final choir concert at Dixon. The seminary graduation program with his brother's name listed under the section of graduates from our ward.
Small and simple things that I hope will remind him he is still a part of our lives even while so far away.
I miss him. I won't tell him that--as if somehow not telling him will help him miss us less (it won't)--but it's true. I pour a little of that missing into the letters as well. Along with a piece of my heart that still has a hole in it where his daily presence in my life used to be.
I don't know if he gets it. He is busy and is focused on his mission. As he should be.
But if nothing else I hope he feels the love. I hope it wraps itself around him and envelops him in a great big hug from home. I'd like to believe it is part of what seals us to him and him to us for eternity.
Well over 20 years ago I found myself serving a mission in Belgium and France. Scrawling the words Par Avion on my letters home.
Now I find myself writing that on my almost-weekly missives to my oldest child. Who finds himself serving a mission just across the pond in the U.K.
I am thankful for a SIL who reminded me--long before my own child left--that despite the wonders of instant and regular e-mail to and fro, missionaries still need something tangible. Something to feel in their hands, hold to their hearts, and tear open with anticipation.
And I remember.
There is the weight and value beyond any treasure in the feel of an envelope addressed by hand specifically to you and carrying with it all the love, support and memories of home and family long ago and far away.
Although I could just drop my letters to Luke in the mailbox posted just past the sidewalk out my front door, I don't.
I get in the car and drive them across town to the East Bay Post Office. And while I drive I pour all the love, thought, energy and prayers I can into the simple, unkempt handwriting scrawled across the pages of my letters to him.
Most of the news is either old or redundant by the time it reaches him. But I also occasionally toss in some memento of our lives here--the program from the Mr. PHS contest--with a play-by-play of the hysterically funny talent portion. A program from L~'s final choir concert at Dixon. The seminary graduation program with his brother's name listed under the section of graduates from our ward.
Small and simple things that I hope will remind him he is still a part of our lives even while so far away.
I miss him. I won't tell him that--as if somehow not telling him will help him miss us less (it won't)--but it's true. I pour a little of that missing into the letters as well. Along with a piece of my heart that still has a hole in it where his daily presence in my life used to be.
I don't know if he gets it. He is busy and is focused on his mission. As he should be.
But if nothing else I hope he feels the love. I hope it wraps itself around him and envelops him in a great big hug from home. I'd like to believe it is part of what seals us to him and him to us for eternity.
LOTS of love and BIG hugs--
Love,
Mum
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Once school is out (in less than a week), I'll be able to reclaim my mornings. I'm an early riser in a family of not-so-early risers. Come Saturday my two-and-a-half hour shift of getting everyone out the door will be done and I will be able to get up early and have at least a couple of quiet hours to myself. I can't wait!
Speaking of time to myself, at the moment I am sprawled across the chaise lounge with both sides of the living room window open so I can hear the rain fall. Aside from the voices of people I love, there is no sound I love more.
The rain makes me especially happy because I planted my garden yesterday. No seeds yet--I'm still hoping my Z~ will get around to building the grow boxes we've been intending to put in over the past eight years and I'll plant seeds then. But I've got broccoli, cauliflower, a couple of varieties of tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, yellow straight-neck squash, watermelon (I grew from seed) and cantaloupe in the area where I someday hope to plant some fruit trees. A good dose of rain just after planting feels like a benediction of sorts.
And speaking of benedictions, yesterday it could only have been divine intervention that saved the lot of the eight young hens I've cared for with love and dedication over the past five weeks. I've been moving them outside to the pigeon coop every day because they are grown up and a bit overcrowded in their dryer box and my dining room needs a bit of a daily break from the dust they create. Lately they've crowded the door of the pigeon coop trying to get outside, so I decided to let them roam the yard for a bit--since I was out there anyway.
I considered letting them all out at once--figuring I could keep them close and having heard that if you can get one or two to go back in their pens the others would follow. But something told me that might be more than I could manage, so I let them out two at a time.
That proved a blessing when the neighbor's bird dog excitedly crashed through the broken fence and made a determined and desperate effort to get them. I quickly scooped up my favorite--the Rhode Island Red and tossed her in the coop--locking it. Zack's favorite--the grey one--was panicked and not to be caught so I chased her into the ancient shed and barricaded the insufficient door, standing guard while I hollered for our kind neighbors. They retrieved their dog--feeling quite badly. But I feel badly too--knowing it must be torture for this dog born and bred to hunt birds, to be tempted by our many birds.
Still, I was quite grateful to have listened to that tiny voice. What could have been a terrifying and violent disaster was averted and my babies are safe and sound.
Speaking of time to myself, at the moment I am sprawled across the chaise lounge with both sides of the living room window open so I can hear the rain fall. Aside from the voices of people I love, there is no sound I love more.
The rain makes me especially happy because I planted my garden yesterday. No seeds yet--I'm still hoping my Z~ will get around to building the grow boxes we've been intending to put in over the past eight years and I'll plant seeds then. But I've got broccoli, cauliflower, a couple of varieties of tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, yellow straight-neck squash, watermelon (I grew from seed) and cantaloupe in the area where I someday hope to plant some fruit trees. A good dose of rain just after planting feels like a benediction of sorts.
And speaking of benedictions, yesterday it could only have been divine intervention that saved the lot of the eight young hens I've cared for with love and dedication over the past five weeks. I've been moving them outside to the pigeon coop every day because they are grown up and a bit overcrowded in their dryer box and my dining room needs a bit of a daily break from the dust they create. Lately they've crowded the door of the pigeon coop trying to get outside, so I decided to let them roam the yard for a bit--since I was out there anyway.
I considered letting them all out at once--figuring I could keep them close and having heard that if you can get one or two to go back in their pens the others would follow. But something told me that might be more than I could manage, so I let them out two at a time.
That proved a blessing when the neighbor's bird dog excitedly crashed through the broken fence and made a determined and desperate effort to get them. I quickly scooped up my favorite--the Rhode Island Red and tossed her in the coop--locking it. Zack's favorite--the grey one--was panicked and not to be caught so I chased her into the ancient shed and barricaded the insufficient door, standing guard while I hollered for our kind neighbors. They retrieved their dog--feeling quite badly. But I feel badly too--knowing it must be torture for this dog born and bred to hunt birds, to be tempted by our many birds.
Still, I was quite grateful to have listened to that tiny voice. What could have been a terrifying and violent disaster was averted and my babies are safe and sound.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Just yesterday I was thinking about Luke and his new companion and wondering how they were doing and wishing I knew more about his companion (like where in Spain he is from) and what he looked like so I could visualize them together. Luke's time on the Isle of Man has been such a blessing because of the way the Tricketts and a member there who has befriended me on Facebook have kept us current.
This morning I received the following from the Tricketts:
I thought you may like to see Luke's new companion.
He comes from the Basque Region of Spain.
We were delighted to see them both today !
He seems a very likeable young man and they are
getting along together very well.
We have told them to come to see us as often as they
like - especially for a Potato Pie !!!!
Kind regards
Pat and Tom.
I replied to let them know how they have been such wonderful answer to my prayers these past few months. It's been such a blessing to me and I will forever be grateful.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Lately I've been struck by what a wonderful thing it is when one or more grown men take time out their busy schedules to help a teenage boy accomplish something whose worth is every bit as much in the process as it is in the end result.
this is only part one of a two-part project. next he gets to design the sign that will go there indicating what types of activities are allowed in this part of the canyon
Yesterday I was struck by how long it's been since I've been up Rock Canyon and how I've forgotten how much I loved the place when I first moved here. I often take for granted the amazing gifts of nature we have just 10-20 minutes from our home.
this is only part one of a two-part project. next he gets to design the sign that will go there indicating what types of activities are allowed in this part of the canyon
Yesterday I was struck by how long it's been since I've been up Rock Canyon and how I've forgotten how much I loved the place when I first moved here. I often take for granted the amazing gifts of nature we have just 10-20 minutes from our home.
Friday, April 17, 2009
I'm loving the stormy spring we've had so far. We got at least two inches of rain and then 11 inches of snow. (Sadly, the snow was not a good thing for our three flowering plums.)
Wednesday night and into yesterday morning (before the layers of snow slipped away off of branches, swing sets and fences) it was so lovely outside! I heard a lot of people cursing the snow, but here's the great thing about April (snow) showers: The sun always comes out so soon afterward. It's going to be completely clear by tomorrow and 70 by Sunday. When the snow melts away it won't be to grey lifeless grass, but to lush green lawn.
I love spring in Utah!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
sisters
specifically:
visiting with my SIL (my brother's wife), who drove her kids down from Idaho last week for spring break
sitting in on (and being able to speak freely) in a frank discussion with two of my friends who are like sisters two me about how we can create a more positive and kind sisterhood among the girls in our neighborhood and ward family
skipping out of work so I could lunch with two SILs (my husband's sisters) who were in town this week
witnessing the tender hearts, love and unity in a hospital waiting room as Shane's aunts (my MIL has five sisters) gathered together at the hospital later that same day (his uncle joined us later)
spending an afternoon with my own sister the next day--we realized we hadn't seen each other for almost eight months--after what has probably been our longest physical separation since my mission over 20 years ago
gathering with friends and daughters and literally thousands of other sisters for the General Young Women Meeting last night
specifically:
visiting with my SIL (my brother's wife), who drove her kids down from Idaho last week for spring break
sitting in on (and being able to speak freely) in a frank discussion with two of my friends who are like sisters two me about how we can create a more positive and kind sisterhood among the girls in our neighborhood and ward family
skipping out of work so I could lunch with two SILs (my husband's sisters) who were in town this week
witnessing the tender hearts, love and unity in a hospital waiting room as Shane's aunts (my MIL has five sisters) gathered together at the hospital later that same day (his uncle joined us later)
spending an afternoon with my own sister the next day--we realized we hadn't seen each other for almost eight months--after what has probably been our longest physical separation since my mission over 20 years ago
gathering with friends and daughters and literally thousands of other sisters for the General Young Women Meeting last night
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Having my entire family (some more excited to be there than others) sitting w/ me during the Draper Temple dedication today was a wonderful thing. Admittedly we are human and therefore flawed and broken, but we were together today (except for Luke and, well, he is where he is supposed to be) and I have faith that ultimately we will be mended and together forever. Days like today remind me of that fact and of the power in the blessings of the temple.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Embarking on another heck week in which I tackle unpleasant things that have been wearing heavy on my shoulders in the hope of lightening my load. These items of unfinished business include (but are not limited to) the following:
Round SIX w/ Verizon Wireless trying to get my cell phone bill adjusted to what I signed up for with them.
Opening the medical bills and calling the insurance company (one down and several to go in terms of claims denied that should have been covered).
Having the home phone disconnected (yes, and I admitted it publicly) and restored. Who sends out a perfectly bill on 2/25 and then cancels service on 3/4? Now I just need to talk them into dismissing the restoration charge.
Hanging my pastel Egg wreath on my front door. (I may have mentioned that before, but the simple joy of it as a sign of spring is worth noting twice.)
Accepting the delivery of a dozen red roses and a thank-you note from my husband while I was at work.
Ward Temple Night.
Olga dropping by the most happy, fun and colorful little rooster pitcher. This, despite Lynda's threats to Jane and Olga to never give me another rooster item for my kitchen ever. She thinks I have too many collecting dust. She's right about the dust part, but she would be proud to know I try to discard one of my tacky roosters for every quality rooster Olga or Jane cannot resist. Please note I had roosters in my kitchen long before they were the thing to do (in fact, I think they have come and gone at least three times since I started). In any case, you do not walk into my kitchen and say, "Oh. A rooster kitchen." But if you look long enough you will notice them. I hope they make you as happy as they make me.
TGIS! (for spring)
TGIF!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
60-plus degree-weather (I don't care if it snows again--it won't last long)
the warmth of the sun on my face
saying farewell to blackened leftover snow
citrus from Sunflower Market
hanging my pastel egg wreath on my front door and breaking out the spring quilts
Jane's Squash Soup w/ cran-apple relish
the hope that springs eternal this time of year
the warmth of the sun on my face
saying farewell to blackened leftover snow
citrus from Sunflower Market
hanging my pastel egg wreath on my front door and breaking out the spring quilts
Jane's Squash Soup w/ cran-apple relish
the hope that springs eternal this time of year
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
a valentine (thanks carrot)
a carefully selected poem--yes, I do understand worm girl, dear Geo--in a hand-written note delivered via the not-yet-extinct U.S. Mail
running my fingers across hours-into-days worth of hand applique--perfect circles, slender stems, and painstakingly detailed pieces--while visiting my friends Donna and Fred
the way my 17-year-old son pleads-slash-demands I find "his" (not really--he-or-she-we-really-don't-know-which belongs to the next door neighbors) cat this morning as I drop him off for early morning seminary and how I appreciate people who surprise you by the things they deeply care about
finally connecting with a dear friend, realizing we have been needlessly struggling with our respective burdens alone when we could have been leaning on each other
the warmth of the sun on my face
contemplating this line from a movie: "Because I know who I am" and hoping that truth in my own life will give me the strength to bear hard and painful things
a carefully selected poem--yes, I do understand worm girl, dear Geo--in a hand-written note delivered via the not-yet-extinct U.S. Mail
running my fingers across hours-into-days worth of hand applique--perfect circles, slender stems, and painstakingly detailed pieces--while visiting my friends Donna and Fred
the way my 17-year-old son pleads-slash-demands I find "his" (not really--he-or-she-we-really-don't-know-which belongs to the next door neighbors) cat this morning as I drop him off for early morning seminary and how I appreciate people who surprise you by the things they deeply care about
finally connecting with a dear friend, realizing we have been needlessly struggling with our respective burdens alone when we could have been leaning on each other
the warmth of the sun on my face
contemplating this line from a movie: "Because I know who I am" and hoping that truth in my own life will give me the strength to bear hard and painful things
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
snow
a broken pipe
prayer
(not necessarily in that order)
a good job where I get to do interesting work with people I love (let's pray my company can hold on during these hard times)
Regan who brought in soup and pudding and two loaves of homemade bread last night and wants to bring dinner in again sometime while I am gone
Paulette who brought dinner over even though she knew Regan was already bringing it because it was Paulette's only day off and she wanted to do something (I especially love how she brought a bottle of her own homemade grape juice and bottle of 100% pomegranate juice and told Shane to mix it together and drink it so he would heal faster)
Leah who brought over Baskin Robbins ice cream (which I'm sure has healing properties as well
(This all occurred last night and over a week past when we thanked the Relief Society kindly but told them they didn't need to schedule any meals past the first couple of nights after Shane was released from the hospital, but especially since I've gone back to work and have been working afternoons instead of mornings so Shane isn't home alone the meals have been such a blessing.)
a broken pipe
prayer
(not necessarily in that order)
a good job where I get to do interesting work with people I love (let's pray my company can hold on during these hard times)
Regan who brought in soup and pudding and two loaves of homemade bread last night and wants to bring dinner in again sometime while I am gone
Paulette who brought dinner over even though she knew Regan was already bringing it because it was Paulette's only day off and she wanted to do something (I especially love how she brought a bottle of her own homemade grape juice and bottle of 100% pomegranate juice and told Shane to mix it together and drink it so he would heal faster)
Leah who brought over Baskin Robbins ice cream (which I'm sure has healing properties as well
(This all occurred last night and over a week past when we thanked the Relief Society kindly but told them they didn't need to schedule any meals past the first couple of nights after Shane was released from the hospital, but especially since I've gone back to work and have been working afternoons instead of mornings so Shane isn't home alone the meals have been such a blessing.)
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Eighteen years ago I was a struggling SAHM married to a struggling school teacher and we had just moved into this neighborhood when a new friend asked me if I was interested in babysitting her daughter.
I said no.
Then something inside my heart said, "Say yes."
So I went back to my new friend and did what I was told.
The late 20s me is not the best mom to little kids. She was mostly good, had moments of greatness, but was also a little stressed.
But she loved this little girl and enjoyed having her be part of her family by day.
Today that same little girl, now almost 19, showed up at my door to give me a big hug and see how I was doing. I was just getting ready to repack Shane's wound for the first time, so I asked her if she could come back in about 15--which she willing did--and we visited. I showed her the latest pictures of Luke. She wanted to go for a drive so I asked her to take me on an errand and then we drove up Provo Canyon.
Provo Canyon was grey and rainy and ruggedly lovely.
The ride and our visit and her hugs were just what I needed.
I said no.
Then something inside my heart said, "Say yes."
So I went back to my new friend and did what I was told.
The late 20s me is not the best mom to little kids. She was mostly good, had moments of greatness, but was also a little stressed.
But she loved this little girl and enjoyed having her be part of her family by day.
Today that same little girl, now almost 19, showed up at my door to give me a big hug and see how I was doing. I was just getting ready to repack Shane's wound for the first time, so I asked her if she could come back in about 15--which she willing did--and we visited. I showed her the latest pictures of Luke. She wanted to go for a drive so I asked her to take me on an errand and then we drove up Provo Canyon.
Provo Canyon was grey and rainy and ruggedly lovely.
The ride and our visit and her hugs were just what I needed.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
It's been awhile.
I love the subtle pinks, soft blues and the tiny hint of purple in the morning sky today.
I love how roommates and a former mission companion from almost 30 years ago suddenly rally around my husband and it feels like the distant past was just yesterday.
I love how a blogger I only met once brought my family a wonderful dinner last night that was so good it actually enticed my husband to eat.
I love being able to be honest and true, even if it makes some people squirm.
I understand and accept why some people need to distance themselves from me, us--from the pain of our situation--but I am always touched by the people--often those I least expect--who show up for us no matter what.
I appreciate being able to feel some peace again today.
I love the subtle pinks, soft blues and the tiny hint of purple in the morning sky today.
I love how roommates and a former mission companion from almost 30 years ago suddenly rally around my husband and it feels like the distant past was just yesterday.
I love how a blogger I only met once brought my family a wonderful dinner last night that was so good it actually enticed my husband to eat.
I love being able to be honest and true, even if it makes some people squirm.
I understand and accept why some people need to distance themselves from me, us--from the pain of our situation--but I am always touched by the people--often those I least expect--who show up for us no matter what.
I appreciate being able to feel some peace again today.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am grateful for being filled up at ward conference and for a stake president who is a man of God and who teaches by the Spirit.
I am grateful for a priesthood blessing for Shane that affirms to us that everything will be OK.
I am grateful for a priesthood blessing for me that blesses me with courage and strength and health and assures me of my Heavenly Father's love and concern for me and reassures me that if I ask and listen to the spirit he will guide me to know what to do and that I will be able to note and bear witness of the tender mercies in my life.
I am grateful for a priesthood blessing for Shane that affirms to us that everything will be OK.
I am grateful for a priesthood blessing for me that blesses me with courage and strength and health and assures me of my Heavenly Father's love and concern for me and reassures me that if I ask and listen to the spirit he will guide me to know what to do and that I will be able to note and bear witness of the tender mercies in my life.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Food continues to pour in despite us having told everyone we didn't really need anything until after the surgery. I do, however, appreciate this so very much. It's amazing how much more energy is spent doing your day-to-day tasks when you have such an incredible worry hanging over your head, weighing down on your soul. By the end of the day I feel careworn and overwhelmed and it is a blessing to occasionally not have to worry about dinner. I've learned a valuable lesson about "just doing it" and not waiting to be asked or told.
Today I am grateful to see the sky. I do remember the days when inversion were so thick you couldn't see the mountains or the sky. This time around you could still see the mountains, but you could also taste the air and it was rancid. At this moment I am looking out over snow-covered roof-tops, through the naked branches and I can see soft white-grey clouds mingled with subtle blue sky. I think I can breathe again.
The other day we were dining with friends at Spicy Thai and I mentioned how I was going to bring my kids there so they could taste curry at a young age as I had never tasted it until I was 40. The next day my co-worker informed me that he and his wife had discussed my comment after dinner and wondered what I had meant by that. "When was that, last week?" they had asked.
Bless them.
Today I am grateful to see the sky. I do remember the days when inversion were so thick you couldn't see the mountains or the sky. This time around you could still see the mountains, but you could also taste the air and it was rancid. At this moment I am looking out over snow-covered roof-tops, through the naked branches and I can see soft white-grey clouds mingled with subtle blue sky. I think I can breathe again.
The other day we were dining with friends at Spicy Thai and I mentioned how I was going to bring my kids there so they could taste curry at a young age as I had never tasted it until I was 40. The next day my co-worker informed me that he and his wife had discussed my comment after dinner and wondered what I had meant by that. "When was that, last week?" they had asked.
Bless them.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I'm so appreciative right now of connections to people. We've been corresponding with the parents of Luke's companion, Elder Larson. Luke and Elder Larson get on so well and we feel so blessed he has such a wonderful, hardworking and loving companion. And we enjoy corresponding with his wonderful parents, too. They have been forwarding e-mails and pictures from some acquaintances of theirs who live on the Isle of Man, the Tricketts. The Tricketts are delightful and it's such a blessing knowing there is someone over their looking after our boys (they are very respectful of the mission rules and so are "looking after" them as they can within the rules).
I love Luke's letters so much, but I have this deep need to see his face and thus it was I about cried yesterday when we received an e-mail from the Larsons with pictures from the Tricketts. I've posted them on Luke's mission blog, but the above is one of my favorites. I love what being with Elder Larson has done for Luke and I am absolutely thrilled with the big smile on Luke's face.
If that's not enough, I just hooked up on Facebook with someone he's met on the Isle of Man so she is keeping me filled in on the news. I feel so much more a part of his life. I'm loving it!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tonight I am deeply thankful for my cousin Wendy and her husband Jonathan who took time out during the busy holidays to call us and encourage us to get a second opinion. Jonathan had sent us a recommendation to the Huntsman sarcoma team, but it was during the holidays and everyone else had told us we could consult with oncologists after the surgery.
Wendy called me--was it on New Year's Day?--and told me of some of the things they had learned the hard way about dealing with a rare form of cancer (Jonathan, a pediatrician, was only in his mid thirties when he was diagnosed with a rare bladder cancer). Because of her I called Huntsman the very next day, even though it was the Friday after a holiday and I was doubtful anyone would be there or that we could possibly get in to see anyone before Shane's scheduled surgery.
Jonathan called us during half-time of the U of U/Alabama game and asked good questions that made us even more determined to get more information before going ahead with the scheduled surgery.
Now, thanks to their recommendations, we've already taken action to rule out metastasization. We have a team of doctors/nurses and medical staff much more experienced in this type of cancer. The putting back together part will be a part of the surgery--which means Shane will recover and be able to put this past him much more quickly. And instead of a huge L-shaped scar across the left side of his face, Shane shouldn't have any visible scarring at all.
I will be forever grateful that they didn't hesitate or wait to share their experiences and knowledge with us. They changed the outcome of this for us--indeed our entire experience. And in such a significant way. I know they were heaven sent.
Wendy called me--was it on New Year's Day?--and told me of some of the things they had learned the hard way about dealing with a rare form of cancer (Jonathan, a pediatrician, was only in his mid thirties when he was diagnosed with a rare bladder cancer). Because of her I called Huntsman the very next day, even though it was the Friday after a holiday and I was doubtful anyone would be there or that we could possibly get in to see anyone before Shane's scheduled surgery.
Jonathan called us during half-time of the U of U/Alabama game and asked good questions that made us even more determined to get more information before going ahead with the scheduled surgery.
Now, thanks to their recommendations, we've already taken action to rule out metastasization. We have a team of doctors/nurses and medical staff much more experienced in this type of cancer. The putting back together part will be a part of the surgery--which means Shane will recover and be able to put this past him much more quickly. And instead of a huge L-shaped scar across the left side of his face, Shane shouldn't have any visible scarring at all.
I will be forever grateful that they didn't hesitate or wait to share their experiences and knowledge with us. They changed the outcome of this for us--indeed our entire experience. And in such a significant way. I know they were heaven sent.
So a couple of my friends wanted to do this 100 things (which has now evolved into 101 things--I like to round up) thing. We decided to start a group blog. It's called Gratitude 101.
You can find the rest of my lists (as well as those of a few of my friends) there. If you want to be an author on that blog and list 101 things for which you are grateful, leave a comment over there w/ your e-mail address. We'll send you an invite to be an author too.
You can find the rest of my lists (as well as those of a few of my friends) there. If you want to be an author on that blog and list 101 things for which you are grateful, leave a comment over there w/ your e-mail address. We'll send you an invite to be an author too.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
100 things
Our stake president recently challenged the members of the high council to list 100 things they were thankful for each day for 10 days. Some of them (and the wife of one) have talked about what an extraordinary experience it has been for them. I know my life is better when I try to list at least three (I mostly ramble on more than that, I know). I want to see what 100 feels like. I'm sure it won't happen every day. But I'm going to give it a try.
1. nightfall
2. shadows of bare tree branches
3. generous and genuine hugs and snuggles from K~
4. how L~ asked me to cut her hair last night (huge show of trust) and really liked it
5. how even though I haven't cut hair for a decade I managed to do a decent job and I liked it, too
6, 7, 8. L~'s passion, energy and openness
9. the hope implied an inherent in each new day
10. Sandy Olsen's loving phone call last night when she heard about Shane
11. The promise of prayers--more now from the Olsen's and from Sandy's mother who, apparently has faith to make things happen (those are the kind of people you want on your side when tragedy strikes for sure!)
12. kids who make a greater effort (on most days) to do better: go to bed early (L~), get up and be to early morning seminary on time (Z~)
13. how K~ wanted to teach FHE last night and did so
14. that for once I was smart enough to help him w/ the funky way they do math these days
15. seeing the return of one of my work friends after his recovery from a vicious attack
16. having a work environment that feels like family
17. words
18. having my brother who doesn't call much, call me Sunday
19. knowing how much he meant it when he said he wishes he were here to give me a big hug
20. the prayers of the children
21. modern medicine
22. living in a place where a miracle like the Huntsman Institute can be created, exist and thrive
23. warmth of central heating
24. knocking several bills off my to-pay list
25. having simple hope that things will work out (the bills)
26. having simple hope that we will be able to manage (the bills)
27. the very real blessings that come from having a missionary out serving the Lord
28. fine, I'll list some: the good spirit that prevails (most of the time--more than before) in your home
29. the feeling of peace you have
30. the fact that you don't worry--you really don't--because you know God and angels--both of earth and of heaven--attend him
31. the blessing that come from praying so much more for the missionaries
32. learning that you've been bearing witness, testimony, to his companions mother this whole time believe she too was a member when in fact she is not
33. feeling good about the way you've been bearing witness and testimony because your son has been challenging you to have missionary experiences and you realize that in some small way here you have
34. bearing witness and testimony in general--it feels good to be a witness for the good and truth you see in your life
35. the beauty of the earth, specifically:
36. the sound of rain
37. the feel of rain
38. the scent of rain
39. the thought of rain filling up reservoirs and quenching thirst, both literally and
40. I don't know the word, somehow spiritually and emotionally, too
41. knowing how the rain will make the flowers grow
42. hearing the haunting melody of the that song (Eponine's song--Les Mis) as I wrote those words "the rain will make the flowers grow"
43. falling snow
44. the way the snow blankets the earth
45. the promise of the water within the snow
46. the way the snow muffles sound and brings peace and quiet to your world, your life
47. watching kids play in the snow
48. snow angels
49. the feeling I had looking at all the pictures people have posted on Facebook of their families playing in the snow
50. especially b.'s family having fun together sledding on mattress
51. the morning
52. watching the day break
53. seeing the lights turn on slowly, one by one, in the houses dotting my street
54. imagining the warming houses as the heat turns on and the hustle and bustle as families wake and prepare for their day
55. the gift of another day
56. watching shadows fall away
57. appreciating the beauty of those shadows
58. but also embracing the light
59. the fact that there are different shades, tones, colors and nuances in the light
60. being able to pray sincerely for people who wound me
61. being able to hope I can love and serve them better even though they bring pain into my life
62. I guess just the hope that I can be a better person
63. and try/learn to not be as selfish
64. and instead be more generous
65. and that hurt will heal
66. and I can overcome
67. and maybe rise above
68. and hopefully bless the people who hurt me
69. hoping I can do that in a sincere and meaningful way
70. quiet
71. thinking
72. feeling
73. being aware
74. and in some ways oblivious
75. being an "in the moment" kind of gal
76. at least mostly anyway
77. trust
78. I trust God
79. realizing that isn't something that comes easily to people, but knowing I do
80. and appreciating the way it lessens my fear
81. and my worries
82. the fact that though I am a bit crazy, I am less so because of some combination of #75 and #77 above
83. being OK w/ my own level of craziness (at least on most days)
84. that darn cat
85. and loving how it has worked its way into our hearts (even though we are allergic)
86. that so far it hasn't eaten our bird (although yesterday it tried)
87. leftovers
88. hand-me-downs that more often than coincidence would allow end up being the right thing at the right time
89. my husband (this is the introduction--I want to do a full one hundred on each of my family members
90. being reminded of the difference he makes in the lives of others (OK, more later)
91. Tuesday
92. and how I know it leads into Wednesday--which is the day of missionary mail
93. and how waiting on Tuesday
94. and receiving on Wednesday gets me halfway through the week
95. the way the moon sometimes shines through the branches of the tree outside my west bedroom window and draws beautiful and mysterious shadows on my bed
96. and the walls of my room
97. and my awareness of the beauty in that
98. having a flex spend account
99. knowing we upped the withholding for it this year
100. knowing I can do what it takes to appeal denied insurance claims when I need to
101. being an extra-mile kind of girl when it comes to counting blessings
Our stake president recently challenged the members of the high council to list 100 things they were thankful for each day for 10 days. Some of them (and the wife of one) have talked about what an extraordinary experience it has been for them. I know my life is better when I try to list at least three (I mostly ramble on more than that, I know). I want to see what 100 feels like. I'm sure it won't happen every day. But I'm going to give it a try.
1. nightfall
2. shadows of bare tree branches
3. generous and genuine hugs and snuggles from K~
4. how L~ asked me to cut her hair last night (huge show of trust) and really liked it
5. how even though I haven't cut hair for a decade I managed to do a decent job and I liked it, too
6, 7, 8. L~'s passion, energy and openness
9. the hope implied an inherent in each new day
10. Sandy Olsen's loving phone call last night when she heard about Shane
11. The promise of prayers--more now from the Olsen's and from Sandy's mother who, apparently has faith to make things happen (those are the kind of people you want on your side when tragedy strikes for sure!)
12. kids who make a greater effort (on most days) to do better: go to bed early (L~), get up and be to early morning seminary on time (Z~)
13. how K~ wanted to teach FHE last night and did so
14. that for once I was smart enough to help him w/ the funky way they do math these days
15. seeing the return of one of my work friends after his recovery from a vicious attack
16. having a work environment that feels like family
17. words
18. having my brother who doesn't call much, call me Sunday
19. knowing how much he meant it when he said he wishes he were here to give me a big hug
20. the prayers of the children
21. modern medicine
22. living in a place where a miracle like the Huntsman Institute can be created, exist and thrive
23. warmth of central heating
24. knocking several bills off my to-pay list
25. having simple hope that things will work out (the bills)
26. having simple hope that we will be able to manage (the bills)
27. the very real blessings that come from having a missionary out serving the Lord
28. fine, I'll list some: the good spirit that prevails (most of the time--more than before) in your home
29. the feeling of peace you have
30. the fact that you don't worry--you really don't--because you know God and angels--both of earth and of heaven--attend him
31. the blessing that come from praying so much more for the missionaries
32. learning that you've been bearing witness, testimony, to his companions mother this whole time believe she too was a member when in fact she is not
33. feeling good about the way you've been bearing witness and testimony because your son has been challenging you to have missionary experiences and you realize that in some small way here you have
34. bearing witness and testimony in general--it feels good to be a witness for the good and truth you see in your life
35. the beauty of the earth, specifically:
36. the sound of rain
37. the feel of rain
38. the scent of rain
39. the thought of rain filling up reservoirs and quenching thirst, both literally and
40. I don't know the word, somehow spiritually and emotionally, too
41. knowing how the rain will make the flowers grow
42. hearing the haunting melody of the that song (Eponine's song--Les Mis) as I wrote those words "the rain will make the flowers grow"
43. falling snow
44. the way the snow blankets the earth
45. the promise of the water within the snow
46. the way the snow muffles sound and brings peace and quiet to your world, your life
47. watching kids play in the snow
48. snow angels
49. the feeling I had looking at all the pictures people have posted on Facebook of their families playing in the snow
50. especially b.'s family having fun together sledding on mattress
51. the morning
52. watching the day break
53. seeing the lights turn on slowly, one by one, in the houses dotting my street
54. imagining the warming houses as the heat turns on and the hustle and bustle as families wake and prepare for their day
55. the gift of another day
56. watching shadows fall away
57. appreciating the beauty of those shadows
58. but also embracing the light
59. the fact that there are different shades, tones, colors and nuances in the light
60. being able to pray sincerely for people who wound me
61. being able to hope I can love and serve them better even though they bring pain into my life
62. I guess just the hope that I can be a better person
63. and try/learn to not be as selfish
64. and instead be more generous
65. and that hurt will heal
66. and I can overcome
67. and maybe rise above
68. and hopefully bless the people who hurt me
69. hoping I can do that in a sincere and meaningful way
70. quiet
71. thinking
72. feeling
73. being aware
74. and in some ways oblivious
75. being an "in the moment" kind of gal
76. at least mostly anyway
77. trust
78. I trust God
79. realizing that isn't something that comes easily to people, but knowing I do
80. and appreciating the way it lessens my fear
81. and my worries
82. the fact that though I am a bit crazy, I am less so because of some combination of #75 and #77 above
83. being OK w/ my own level of craziness (at least on most days)
84. that darn cat
85. and loving how it has worked its way into our hearts (even though we are allergic)
86. that so far it hasn't eaten our bird (although yesterday it tried)
87. leftovers
88. hand-me-downs that more often than coincidence would allow end up being the right thing at the right time
89. my husband (this is the introduction--I want to do a full one hundred on each of my family members
90. being reminded of the difference he makes in the lives of others (OK, more later)
91. Tuesday
92. and how I know it leads into Wednesday--which is the day of missionary mail
93. and how waiting on Tuesday
94. and receiving on Wednesday gets me halfway through the week
95. the way the moon sometimes shines through the branches of the tree outside my west bedroom window and draws beautiful and mysterious shadows on my bed
96. and the walls of my room
97. and my awareness of the beauty in that
98. having a flex spend account
99. knowing we upped the withholding for it this year
100. knowing I can do what it takes to appeal denied insurance claims when I need to
101. being an extra-mile kind of girl when it comes to counting blessings
Monday, January 12, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
It's not just about the full-fledged dinners from caterers, but I am especially touched by the eclectic food offerings of a young family, the sweet widow, and my friend who is still suffering the ill effects of treatment during her brutal battle with cancer several years ago. We told everyone they didn't need to worry about bringing in meals until Shane actually has surgery--especially as there will likely be weeks and months of surgeries and treatments and now we will be away from home for it all. But people just want to be able to do something and so they come with bags of food and hearts and arms full of love. It does help and I am grateful.
Currently I'm also loving the warmth of the sun shining across the snow and in through the living room window.
Oh and an afternoon nap whilst the afternoon sun is shining on me sounds even better (staying up with and for teenagers sure puts a dent in one's sleep bucket, especially if you're an early riser like me).
And oh the sunsets. Incredible. I do believe they get more stunning every evening.
Currently I'm also loving the warmth of the sun shining across the snow and in through the living room window.
Oh and an afternoon nap whilst the afternoon sun is shining on me sounds even better (staying up with and for teenagers sure puts a dent in one's sleep bucket, especially if you're an early riser like me).
And oh the sunsets. Incredible. I do believe they get more stunning every evening.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
generous quantities of snow
gift cards from our home teacher and his wife (who happens to also be my friend and visiting teachee) to my family's favorite pizza joint. There were three, in fact, so I could keep one with me, my husband could have one and there could be one at the house. So any time we are crazy with doctors or whatever we can phone in and have pizza delivered to our door--even when we're not home. Oh the genius of it!
having a night home, even though I was much too tired to get much done, it just felt good to be home. I don't want to be anywhere else these days
generous quantities of love and prayers
gift cards from our home teacher and his wife (who happens to also be my friend and visiting teachee) to my family's favorite pizza joint. There were three, in fact, so I could keep one with me, my husband could have one and there could be one at the house. So any time we are crazy with doctors or whatever we can phone in and have pizza delivered to our door--even when we're not home. Oh the genius of it!
having a night home, even though I was much too tired to get much done, it just felt good to be home. I don't want to be anywhere else these days
generous quantities of love and prayers
Monday, January 05, 2009
Yesterday morning I was sick with worry. Not only over Shane, but over one of my children. One who is struggling. I realized I was probably going to have to have a talk with said child and I was worried over what to say (because if I had said everything that was in my heart and head it probably would have been more than a little overwhelming and, frankly, just way too much information).
As Fast and Testimony meeting began the prayer in my heart was that said child would feel the spirit and be touched by something--anything--that was said.
A certain person I love and admire (but who is also so way cool enough for said child to love and admire) got up and gave the best "Step Up!" message I have ever heard.
Ever.
All I could say was thank you (both the the speaker and to the heavens in which my prayer was heard) and Amen.
As Fast and Testimony meeting began the prayer in my heart was that said child would feel the spirit and be touched by something--anything--that was said.
A certain person I love and admire (but who is also so way cool enough for said child to love and admire) got up and gave the best "Step Up!" message I have ever heard.
Ever.
All I could say was thank you (both the the speaker and to the heavens in which my prayer was heard) and Amen.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
I've been remiss. But a friend and cancer survivor urged me to keep track of all of our blessings (I guess I need a notebook...two maybe...one for medical bills and one for blessings. I can only hope the blessing one gets filled up faster than the medical bill one.) In any case, I need to catch up.
Before we heard the news there were two things that happened that week I wanted to remember:
One, my good friend Donnette invited me in for hot chocolate and a chat one evening. We had a good visit and discussed many things, but what stuck with me was something she'd said about her gospel doctrine lesson the previous Sunday (which I'd missed). She talked about prayer and asking for the desires of one's heart. She mentioned the difference between sort of reluctantly resigning oneself to the will of God (waiting for the other shoe to drop) and asking for the desires of your heart. She said it's OK to ask for the desires of your heart. That thought kept running through my head amidst the bleak dark thoughts that came after learning of Shane's diagnosis.
Two, my good friend Lynda and I were meeting with other friends (sort of an extended visiting teaching visit where the sister we teach were there as well as some of the sister they teach and we got it all done in a very fun way) for lunch. Lynda was the first one there and as I approached her she mentioned the burst of happiness, positivity and love she felt emanate from me as I came in and sat down by her. I appreciated so much her words and felt so encouraged by them. In moments since I've thought about how no matter what happens I want to hang on to that--I want to be that person and put out that kind of positive energy even when times are difficult and painful. I'm not sure exactly how to go about it, but I hope being mindful of it will assist me.
I wrote about this more on my other blog, but we do feel blessed by the encouragement, empowerment and advice of family and friends and physicians who are helping us seek the best care for Shane. That sort of puts this week's plans up in the air a bit, but we feel we are on the right track and doing the right thing a little bit later is better than doing the wrong thing or doing the right thing only halfway. While I seek and pray for all the information we need, I also find myself fearing what's more...what's next. Right now I'm praying for courage to be able to accept the next step--whatever it may be.
Lovely notes, comments, e-mails, hugs, prayers, well wishes. They all mean the world to us. We do feel carried by the love, faith and hope of those around us.
And finally, it's such a blessing to have good friends in the right places, even in temporal ways. Maybe in times like this when resources and energy feel used up beyond what I sometimes feel I can deal with, especially in temporal ways. I'm not feeling my best this evening and the thought of making plans for a post-fast Sunday dinner tomorrow (and the next night when we will be in SLC @ Huntsman till the dinner hour) overwhelmed me. As I found myself fighting to stay awake well before 9 p.m. we heard a car pull up and a knock on the door. Our friends who are both friends and employees of our caterer friends showed up with two huge trays of leftovers. (I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am a huge fan of hand-me-downs and of catering leftovers.) Enough for Sunday and Monday dinner.
I hate (well, only partly) to steal this from our dear TAMN, but we are seriously so blessed.
Before we heard the news there were two things that happened that week I wanted to remember:
One, my good friend Donnette invited me in for hot chocolate and a chat one evening. We had a good visit and discussed many things, but what stuck with me was something she'd said about her gospel doctrine lesson the previous Sunday (which I'd missed). She talked about prayer and asking for the desires of one's heart. She mentioned the difference between sort of reluctantly resigning oneself to the will of God (waiting for the other shoe to drop) and asking for the desires of your heart. She said it's OK to ask for the desires of your heart. That thought kept running through my head amidst the bleak dark thoughts that came after learning of Shane's diagnosis.
Two, my good friend Lynda and I were meeting with other friends (sort of an extended visiting teaching visit where the sister we teach were there as well as some of the sister they teach and we got it all done in a very fun way) for lunch. Lynda was the first one there and as I approached her she mentioned the burst of happiness, positivity and love she felt emanate from me as I came in and sat down by her. I appreciated so much her words and felt so encouraged by them. In moments since I've thought about how no matter what happens I want to hang on to that--I want to be that person and put out that kind of positive energy even when times are difficult and painful. I'm not sure exactly how to go about it, but I hope being mindful of it will assist me.
I wrote about this more on my other blog, but we do feel blessed by the encouragement, empowerment and advice of family and friends and physicians who are helping us seek the best care for Shane. That sort of puts this week's plans up in the air a bit, but we feel we are on the right track and doing the right thing a little bit later is better than doing the wrong thing or doing the right thing only halfway. While I seek and pray for all the information we need, I also find myself fearing what's more...what's next. Right now I'm praying for courage to be able to accept the next step--whatever it may be.
Lovely notes, comments, e-mails, hugs, prayers, well wishes. They all mean the world to us. We do feel carried by the love, faith and hope of those around us.
And finally, it's such a blessing to have good friends in the right places, even in temporal ways. Maybe in times like this when resources and energy feel used up beyond what I sometimes feel I can deal with, especially in temporal ways. I'm not feeling my best this evening and the thought of making plans for a post-fast Sunday dinner tomorrow (and the next night when we will be in SLC @ Huntsman till the dinner hour) overwhelmed me. As I found myself fighting to stay awake well before 9 p.m. we heard a car pull up and a knock on the door. Our friends who are both friends and employees of our caterer friends showed up with two huge trays of leftovers. (I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am a huge fan of hand-me-downs and of catering leftovers.) Enough for Sunday and Monday dinner.
I hate (well, only partly) to steal this from our dear TAMN, but we are seriously so blessed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
